I was feeling down today because LinkedIn sent me some stupid e-mail telling me about all the new job titles people I know have acquired recently at pretty big-deal places (Marc Jacobs? Facebook? I have ambitious friends/acquiantances). I was reading this e-mail in my PJs at 3 pm eating CocoaPuffs for cereal (two months after graduating, unemployed, living back at home with extended family) and I felt like such an absolute loser…but then I got some rewards cash in my card and I immediately knew it was going towards being exhausted tomorrow because I’d be up till 4 am and my mood took an absolute turn for the better.
There’s something about being in a dark room with a bright screen about to watch something brilliant that fixes everything I think is wrong/inadequate with me at the time and I believe in it so much that I can’t see myself doing anything else in the future but contributing to giving someone else that same kind of experience…I’m still not even sure in what capacity it’ll be but when I got my confirmation e-mail receipt a few minutes it got me started on a little bit of an epiphany.
In the next few months or maybe years I probably wont get the chance to impress anyone on LinkedIn with what I’m up to, but IDK man…do people feel overwhelming joy when they walk into the Facebook offices or the Marc Jacobs showroom the same way I do when I throw my last twelve dollars at Fandango so I can watch Christian Bale fucking shit up in Gotham on big screen while Hans Zimmer’s music plays loudly? I hope so but that’s it for me…I think after 8 weeks that threatened to break my spirit I’m finally learning that patience and stagnation aren’t the same thing, that my enthusiasm is pretty independent from the amount on my bank statements and to a certain extent it’s probably much more valuable.
I think what I’m trying to say is that after four years of waiting I’m gonna take the night off from panicking about what isn’t in my hands, sneak some snacks into the theatre and consider myself lucky after all.